My Burden Is To Share
by The Other
Summary: Barney did something wrong and had to go away for a little while, but now he's back and is seeking redemption. Will his friends give it to him? Or will they abandon him?
1. Unknown

_**A/N: Okay, got this in my head after watching Lost XD. Don't know why though. Also, not sure about the spelling. MacLarens, or MacLaren's? Oh...btw, this has nothing to do with Lost. **_

_**Disclaimer: Disclaimed**_

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Barney stepped into MacLaren's. The usual booth was still there, empty and waiting for him to sit in it. Unusually, he was the first one there. He was never the first to reunions. Shaking his head sadly, he slid into the seat and Wendy walked over, her notebook poised.

"I'm...uh...waiting for some people," he whispered, his head down. He wished he had worn a hood.

Thankfully Wendy took no notice of him and walked away. He slouched in the seat, picking at the lint on his jeans while he waited. Fifteen minutes later, he was still alone, picking at whatever fabric had strayed. He picked himself up, taking the familiar steps to the rest room where he had met Ted, so many years ago now.

He didn't need to use it, but he stood, leaning against the wall, waiting for someone. Anyone, to come in and recognise him as the regular he once was. After another twenty minutes in the restroom, he decided to leave.

When he reached the main room, he stopped dead. His four friends, the people he sat with for so many years were all there. Ted had surprisingly more stubble, stylish and attractive, but he ruined it by an unattractive mo'. Barney smiled at the fond memories of his former bro's tweed-wearing days. Marshall was still clean shaven, but ruined the look by a four year old son on his lap. That was always a road kill. Lily was the same as ever, but longer hair and a giant bump in her stomach. A baby, of course...Lily didn't seem like one to get fat. His eyes drifted across to Robin. She was the same too, but stress lines had indented themselves into her forehead and around her eyes. He wondered why and searched for a ring on her left hand, but it was bare.

He moved forward, but found he couldn't. He was bolted to the floor by some unknown force, and he desperately tried to move towards them. It had only been three years since he had escaped. Escaped from their looks, their unforgiving eyes – the cold glances from across the bar.

They didn't know he was coming. They didn't know he was back in town. He was surprised they still came back to the bar, despite what he did to them.

He managed to move away, skirting their booth and sitting across the bar, where he could see them easily. They chatted happily, but there was darkness in Marshall's eyes he'd never seen before. The way he held his son suggested uneasiness, but it was combated by the easy-going grin plastered on his face. Lily had her hands placed on her stomach protectively, a little more so than he thought she should've. Ted and Robin glanced around occasionally, but Barney strategically placed himself behind a pillar, shielding himself from their gazes.

To put himself in this position was killing him. He wanted to apologise, to say something at least. He had walked out without another word, not even goodbye, leaving them with the burdens. It wasn't fair. He had made a bad choice, but it hadn't been his fault. It was all of them too; they did this to him, and made him make that decision.

He took a deep sigh. What was he kidding? It was solely his fault. He couldn't blame them.

He left the bar, not game enough to approach them. Taking the flight of stairs, he returned to the old apartment, fishing for the spare key, but it was gone again. He wasn't surprised. They treated him like a madman. He was, he mused silently, standing at the door. He'd gone to a medical centre, but they couldn't help. He didn't need fixing in the first place.

All he needed was his friends.

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**_A/N: Not sure if I want to continue this. I know what he did, but do you guys want to know? _**


	2. Troubles

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A/N: Another chapter - I decided to continue it thanks to my lovely reviewer :D 3. You'll meet another character here...not a new one though.

**_Disclaimer: Disclaimed. _**

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The hotel room was dark and musty. Rats could be heard in the walls and there were bits of grub lying around the floor. Barney stepped in and surveyed it briefly, before dropping his duffle bag. This room betrayed what he once was, but now he didn't care. He had sold his apartment long ago, along with the wall TV, his suits, porn and the body of the Storm Trooper. The head lay in his bag, waiting for him.

He collapsed on the single bed, heaving a sigh. Nobody would find him here.

Three knocks on the door contradicted his thoughts.

"Barney, let me in," a familiar voice floated through.

He couldn't place who it was, but he got up and peeked through the door.

"Scooter!" Barney cried happily, opening the door wider to let his friend pass.

Out of everyone he knew, Scooter was the only person who stood by him during his troubles. The two had become bros, but Barney hadn't even told Scooter where he would be this time.

"Please, call me Bill," the young man said, giving Barney an affectionate pat on the shoulder.

"You're right...how did you find me?" Barney asked

"I followed you from the bar," he replied and Barney grinned. "I've got some bad news"

He took a deep breath and Barney frowned sadly. Bad news always meant it had something to do with the gang.

"Wait, before you tell me the bad news...how has everyone been?" he asked, and Bill smiled.

"Great...Lily's pregnant again, and little Simon's scar faded..." He reported, referring to Lily's first son. "Ted is single...again, and so is Robin,"

"How is Robin...is she happy in her new job?"

"Yeah, very. It's a little stressful though..." he said and Barney nodded knowingly.

"So...the bad news..."

"Let's go for a walk..." Bill said suddenly, and Barney nodded, grabbing his duffle bag.

Bill led him outside to a park where they could sit on an overhanging bridge. A few people walking by gave them strange looks, but they were used to it now. It seemed that everyone who saw them, thought they were gay, but they were only two guys talking seriously in jeans and shirts. Barney thought it was a little stereotypical, but he never commented.

"The bad news?" Barney asked again, and Bill took a deep breath.

"They know you're in town," he said and Barney froze.

"What...how?" he stuttered, and Bill smiled at his panic.

"You weren't exactly subtle coming out of the bathroom. You practically shrieked..." he trailed off and Barney shook his head, mentally scolding himself.

"What are they going to do about it...?" he asked after a few moments.

"Nothing. As long as you don't go near them...they won't go to the police..." Bill said carefully and Barney's head shot up.

"Police? What do they think I am?" he cried

"You left their son in care of a dangerous animal!" Bill answered, and Barney slumped in the seat, his head hanging, "Not to mention other things..."

Barney was silent, staring at his converse. He shoved the white toe of the shoe into the dirt and stood up angrily.

"It was their fault. They left their son in the care of me!" Barney roared, then strode away angrily.

Bill slumped, taking a huge sigh. This was never how it was supposed to be.

**_A/N: Just because I love Neil and David :D So you found out one peice of the puzzle...but wait - why did it end up like this XD I think I'll make this a habit - wake up half an hour earlier and write just before I go to school.... Anyway, hope you enjoyed. _**


	3. Only A Dream

**_A/N: First day and I already broke my promise XD No, I was at my sisters house and I forgot my USB, so I had no story :( But it's still the same day, so, ya know, points :D Lookit, two awesome reviewers!!! This chapter I feel, is pretty crappy. I feel pretty crappy, so eh. _**

**_Disclaimer: Disclaimed_**

It was their fault. It wasn't their fault. It was his fault. It was always his fault.

Barney lay awake in the musty hotel room, searching the ceiling for some sort of answer. The bed was uncomfortable and he had sharp things digging into his arm, but he didn't shift. Bill was in the other bed, not willing to leave Barney alone that night. He was a mess, but Bill tolerated it.

"You still awake?" Bill asked, and Barney muttered a reply.

The shadowy movement from Barney's left made him realise that Bill had turned on his side to look at him. It felt strange sharing a room with another bro. No wonder people thought they were gay. Smiling lightly at the thought, Barney rolled so he faced Bill.

"You don't have to do this, you know?" Barney said softly, not being able to see Bill in the darkness.

"I know, but that's what bros are for..." Bill murmured, and Barney smiled.

He wouldn't have done this for Ted. But then again, Ted was never a proper bro. He never suited up, hardly ever was his wingman. Barney tried to remember the fond memories he once held of his friends, but they were erased from his memory the night he made the biggest mistake of his life. He actually couldn't remember when his friends were ever that kind. Except when he was dating Robin, of course. They hated his wise-cracks, his sarcasm, his magic. Were they really his true friends? Bill shifted once more and Barney tried to make him out.

"What are you thinking?" Bill asked, and Barney snorted

"About them...about me...about our friendship..." Barney trailed off and almost smacked himself. He never opened up like this to anyone. Bill seemed to make him talk.

"You want to be friends with them again?" his soft voice came through the veil of darkness.

"I...don't know. I met Ted at the urinal...we've been friends for so long. It's kinda weird not being around them," Barney confessed, and Bill snorted.

"Let them go. You've still got all those savings you stored away. Go buy back your apartment, or find another one and put the past behind you. It's been three years since...it happened," Bill tried to explain, stumbling over the last couple of words. "Anyway...start trying to forget it,"

Barney closed his eyes, letting his dreams sink in.

_He stood in the park, much similar to the one he was in three years ago. Simon toddled forward, just out of reach of Barney's grasp. Uncaring, Barney watched the toddler with little interest. Marshal and Lily were taking a walk, and Barney had reluctantly agreed to watch their baby. He sighed, and watched Simon toddle forward a little more before reaching and pulling him back. _

_Movement to the left caught his eye and he turned his head casually, spotting a blonde, slender chick with gorgeous legs, wearing short-shorts and walking a full grown St. Bernard. Wincing a little at the dog, he nodded confidently at the girl, and she walked over a little hesitantly. _

"_Hi," she said _

"_Have you seen my baby?" he asked casually, making sure Simon was a few feet away._

"_Oh...is that him?" she asked, pointing, and he feigned surprise._

"_Oh, I didn't see him...I think I was too busy looking at you," he said, nodding at her up and down._

_She blushed slightly as Barney picked Simon up._

"_So, you're married then?" she asked, eyeing Simon._

"_No, not yet. I'm just baby-sitting," he said, tickling Simon in the ribs._

_The girl smiled and Barney stuck out his hand._

"_I'm Barney," he introduced himself, and she shook it._

"_Kayla," she answered and he nodded._

_Suddenly, with a deep growl and a short, angry bark, the dog sprang up and launched itself at Simon, unprovoked. With a shriek, Simon went down under the large dog, crying already. The St. Bernard's large teeth clamped down on the boys neck and he went limp. It all happened so fast that Barney couldn't react. He watched silently, until it faded into nothingness._

He woke with a start, tears and sweat dripping down his face. He swung himself out of bed and into the bathroom where he promptly threw up. He coughed and spat into the toilet, groaning as he felt himself be sick again. Bill was up and moving now, getting a two cloths and some water.

The young man kneeled beside his bro, who had just finished being sick for the third time. Patting his back gently, Bill pulled Barney back from the toilet, flushing it. There was a green look on Barney's face, and Bill wiped away the vomit. Spitting into the toilet but not needing to throw up again, Barney looked at Bill helplessly.

"It was that dream again," Barney mumbled as Bill pressed a wet cloth to his face.

"I know," Bill said quietly, and Barney slammed his fist into the ground.

"The dream lies. Simon didn't die...it didn't happen like that..." Barney cried, wiping his face.

"I know," Bill muttered again.

"It wasn't my fault. They couldn't have blamed me...I was on medication for god's sake. They left me in charge of a year old baby...I was on the pills Bill...they..." Barney trailed off, his head in his hands.

"It's not fair," Bill commented, pulling Barney up gently.

Barney shook his head miserably and Bill pulled him back to his bed.

"It's still night time...get some more sleep," he demanded, and Barney collapsed, closing his eyes and falling into another restless sleep.

**_A/N: It is mean't to be a little disjointy. It was only a dream...not the whole thing :D So, now you know how Simon got his scar, you know part of what happened...  
and isn't Bill just the nicest? He's so sweet...maybe I'm using more of a David and Neil side of them. Errg.._**


	4. Depression

**A/N: Phew, another chapter. I didn't write this morning again...I'm so slack :D I have two lovely reviewers! I really love you guys...you're so nice XD. This one is a shortie, but I have to go to band soon **

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed:**

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Another day dragged by, and Bill prevented him from going to the bar. Instead, Bill made him start looking for an apartment, which he did with reluctance.

"Here's a good one…three bedroom apartment, nice view, not too noisy…" Bill trailed off when he saw Barney's puzzled expression. "What's wrong?"

"Three bedrooms?" he asked and Bill grinned.

"For the suits,"

Barney shook his head.

"That's not me anymore…" Barney said, and Bill quickly changed the house criteria. "Look dude, maybe some other time…I'm distracted and…I don't want another house right now,"

Bill nodded in understanding. The poor guy had been through a lot, and it wasn't just the accident that caused it. He had been secretly suffering from depression ever since Robin had broken up with him. Shannon and Robin were the only things he had ever really cared about. When he broke up with Shannon, he chose a personality change, but with Robin, it wasn't that simple. He just couldn't deal with it.

For a while, he coped by going through the days, sleeping with bimbos and hiding the anger and hurt he had. Eventually, he stopped coming out of his apartment, distancing himself from everyone. He quit his job, believing he wasn't doing a good enough job. When the gang hadn't seen him for a week, they found him in his apartment, under a blanket with tear streaks down his face.

"It seems you are suffering from something called Non-Melancholic Depression," the doctor had told him when the gang had dragged him to a medical centre.

Barney just stared at a spot on the wall. He had gathered that a couple of days ago, but he felt worse knowing that it was actually true. The doctor had prescribed him with medication, which made him better overtime.

The tablets had worked, and he had started belonging to the group again, but there was a detachedness that he couldn't describe.

Barney lay back against his chair, thinking about the past. He had gotten over the depression by taking a two year vacation to Australia, just after the dog incident, but now he was back, and Bill believed he was slipping back into it. He almost had convinced him to go back on the tablets, but Barney protested bitterly.

"You there Barney?" Bill asked, now across the room cooking something

Barney snapped his head up, nodding slightly.

"Wanna go to the bar?"

**_A/N: Wow, really short. Anyway, so now you know why Barney is like this. Is it lame? I was thinking about it...it seems a bit lame...but eh. Whatever. Did anyone hear that Neil was gonna be on Glee? Yay! So is Idina Menzel, but I don't spose you know who that is...._**


	5. The Confrontation

**_A/N: Another shortie, but a big...cliffie, oh noes moment is gonna come up soon....you better be ready. It'll be a much longer chapter (I hope :D) Thanks to my reviewers...XD_**

**_Disclaimer: Disclaimed_**

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Barney stared at Bill for a second without talking, but instantly nodded. Bill nodded back almost sadly, and stood, taking his keys off the counter. They walked down the stairs, both knowing that this wouldn't end well. Neither said a word as Bill started the engine and drove the familiar route to the bar. Parking illegally, Bill took a deep breath and looked at Barney.

"You want to go in alone?" he asked and Barney shook his head, opening the door a fraction.

Bill nodded and stepped out of the car, waiting for Barney at the entrance. A sick feeling in his stomach, Barney began the descent, dreading every second. He stepped in and his eyes searched the bar habitually, then they centred on the booth. It was empty.

Barney sighed and walked in further, more confident that he knew they wouldn't be watching him. He sat at the bar, positioning himself facing the door on a strange angle, so even if they came in they wouldn't see him looking for them.

"Drink?" the barman asked, and Barney nodded, holding up two of his fingers while glancing at Bill, who nodded. "Anything in particular?"

The two men shook their heads and then remained silent, lost in their own thoughts.

"What will I do..." Barney whispered, staring intently at his hands.

"You'll get through this bro..."

Their conversations were like a dance routine now, always the same and hardly ever changing. Sometimes the music would skip and they'd have to improvise, but lately everything had been so ritual and mundane. The same questions, the same replies. Neither man got sick of it, for it did them both therapy.

Their drinks arrived and they drank in silence, neither knowing what they had. It seemed that eighty percent of their time together had become silent, while the other twenty was filled with mindless nothings. Suddenly Barney's head whipped up. He had heard Lily's happy voice through the door and he hid behind his arm, shielding himself from their looks.

Bill watched the four of them walk in. Simon wasn't with them, and the lump in Lily's stomach had gotten larger. They didn't look around; they just sat and ordered their drinks. All of a sudden, Robin stood up and started walking towards the bar, but Barney saw her and panicked.

"What do I do, holy crap," he repeated, trying to fit as much of himself behind his drink as possible.

Bill shook his head sadly and watched as Robin approached. She had a calm look, but her eyes were filled with a strange forgiveness, but at the same time loathing and hate. She nodded and Bill and he nodded back, glancing at Barney. He refused to look at anyone, and sat, contemplating his drink nervously.

"Barney...Marshal and Lily say they never want to see you in this bar again, or near Simon...they still...they still hold you responsible...even if the St. Bernard wasn't in your hands." Robin spoke softly, just so Barney and Bill could hear. Her voice wobbled occasionally, and Bill could tell she didn't want to be the one to be saying this. "Simon is okay...his scar will never completely fade, but-"

Robin didn't get to finish her sentence before Barney pulled away from the bar with a loud creak of the chair. He pushed past Robin and ran up the stairs, tears in his eyes. Bill gave Robin a dirty look before following him. He ran into the street, looking both ways franticly, but Barney was nowhere to be seen. He cursed loudly, causing people to turn and look at him, but he waved them off, choosing a direction and running.

**_A/N: It's weird writing Barney has a vulnerable little twit. Its sad too, but it's a different experience. Someone asked me if this was going to turn into a gay story, but don't worry. Barney and Bill will not turn gay XD Even though they're cute :D_**


	6. The Toilet Seat

**_A/N: Sorry this one is short. The next one should be longer :o. I have to go to bed now, it's depressing, and today, I got savaged by a random cat on the street. I guess some cats have bad days, but know my leg is bleeding and...well, savaged. XD I should've been in bed 16 mins ago, but I snuck out to post this...breaking every trust rule in the book ._**

**_Disclaimer: Disclaimed_**

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Bill continued running, praying he would find Barney. People glanced at him as he ran past, but he paid no attention. He glanced behind him quickly, in search for the gang, but nobody followed. He cursed them in his head, blaming them for causing this. This wasn't Barney.

He ran into every bar he saw, every familiar placed that he'd been to with Barney, knowing he could be wasting precious finding time. After running around the city for a while, he began to get tired and hailed a cab, directing it to the hotel. He paid and ran the steps two at a time, pounding on the door to Barney's room. There was no reply and Bill growled in frustration, kicking the door hard.

"Bill!" a familiar voice called, and Bill whipped around, spotting Robin in the car park, looking guilty.

"What do you want?" he hissed, jumping down the steps towards her.

"I…I'm so sorry. I…Lily and Marshal wanted me to tell him…I thought they were being a little…harsh…I just…" she cleared her throat and wiped her eyes, "I need to find him and tell him I'm sorry,"

Bill studied her for a long minute, studying her features to find a speck of dishonesty.

"Fine. Where do you think he would go?" Bill asked, satisfied that Robin was telling the truth.

"Where have you checked?" she asked and he sighed

"Everywhere," he mumbled,

"Well, he could be-" he was cut off by the shattering of glass, which sounded like it was coming from Barney's room.

They glanced at each other with panicked faces and raced up the steps, pounding on the door again.

"Barney! Open up goddamit!" Bill cried,

"I'll get the key from the owner!" Robin said and Bill nodded, hammering on the door.

Robin returned seconds later with the owner, who unlocked the door for them.

"Thank you so much," Robin cried and she and Bill hurried through the door.

"Barney!" Bill hollered, leading the way through the small rooms. Robin left him and searched through the kitchen way.

"Oh shit,"

Bill immediately ran to her side, where Barney was slumped over the toilet, unconscious with his anti-depressants scattered around him. Robin was frozen, her hands clasped over her mouth and eyes. Bill was already at Barney's side, shaking him awake.

"Bro, wake up, don't do this to me…" Bill pleaded, then turned to Robin.

"Don't just stand there, bloody hell, call the hospital!" he cried, shaking Barney even more.

Robin seemed to be thrown out of her shock and retrieved her cell phone, clumsily punching in the numbers as tears started to fill her eyes.

"Hello? My friend is here, he's…he's unconscious…we think he's over- overdosed…antidepressants…." Bill only heard half the conversation, and he managed to wake Barney up as Robin was relaying the address.

"Bro…you there…listen to me, how many did you take?" Bill asked, holding Barney firmly so he wouldn't fall.

"Too…many," he mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning against Bill.

Robin hung up and sobbed loudly at the sight of Barney. Bill heard the ambulances and shooed Robin to get them, while he held his best friend. He stared down at Barney, almost brotherly. He had only known Barney recently, but he felt that they had bonded instantly.

He just hoped this wasn't the last time he would see him alive.

**_A/N: Like I said, shorty and a cliffie. Poor you guys. I have a knack for killing off characters....but don't let that spoil it . Anyway, much love to my reviewers, especially the ones who replied to my thingy about Glee. Oh, another random question? Don't mind if I do. Rent, anyone? _**


	7. Overdosing

**_A/N:Haha, I can't believe this started as a one shot. XD Anyway, I'm back, and still updating rather frequently. Is anyone proud? I am :D Thanks to the absolutely wonderful reviews, they're so awesome. I've been having trouble spelling this morning. My fingers are being retarded. I spelt Bill like Blii before XD Almost spelt retarded like retreated too. Gr..._**

**_Dislcaimer: Disclaimed. _**

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His eyes opened slowly, not registering his surroundings. There were blurry shapes everywhere that may or may not have been people. Voices confirmed the people thoughts, but their words were incoherent. He tried to move his head, blink his eyes, lick his lips, or just plain swallow, but he couldn't move. The world went black, and he figured his eyes must've closed again. He still heard the talk and tried to focus on it, but the words ran into each other until he fell into a restless sleep.

He had the same nightmare again, Simon getting killed by the St. Bernard, but this time it was different.

_Suddenly, with a deep growl and a short, angry bark, the dog sprang up and launched itself at Simon, unprovoked. With a shriek, Simon went down under the large dog, crying already. The St. Bernard's large teeth clamped down on the boys neck and he went limp. It all happened so fast that Barney couldn't react. The dog turned swiftly, spotting Barney with its cold, monstrous eyes. It growled once again and pounced, knocking Barney over with its weight alone. Barney went down, his arms straining to keep the dog away. He turned to Kayla, who was laughing, clapping her hands like it was a joke. The St. Bernard brought his giant mouth over Barney's neck, crushing it with a single chomp._

_Barney felt his warm blood trickle over his body and he almost drowned in it. The pain was immense, even if it was only a dream. Barney wept, no longer pushing against the dog. It chewed again and Barney cried out, feeling his spinal cord being crushed and severed. Suddenly, a hand appeared on his shoulder, and pushed the St. Bernard away with a single push. The dog grew smaller; almost pug sized, and fell onto Barney's stomach, making him cry out. He tried to turn, to look at the god-like hand, but he couldn't move again. _

His eyes opened and recognized the cold pack, played as the Pug in his dream. He supposed it was over his head to begin with. The god-like hand had turned out to be Robin's. The shapes were still blurry, but he could make out features now, distinguishing features. The words were still dodgy, but he managed to make out several of them.

"Barney?" Robin asked gently, picking the cold pack off his stomach and back onto his head. He hissed with the sudden contact with the cold, but didn't move it.

"Mmm…" his voice was barely above a whisper, and he moved his mouth experimentally, trying to find the saliva he once had.

Robin had tears in her eyes, looking at Barney. He looked so broken, so detached from the rest of the world. His eyes were unfocused, closing constantly, and he hadn't move except for the occasional swallow. Bill sat in the corner, watching his best friend suffer.

"What…what…hap-ha…happened…" he asked softly, weakly after a long moment of silence.

"They pumped your stomach…" Bill answered softly, crouching down next to the hospital bed.

"Wha…why…" he managed to utter.

"Because you're a stupid idiot," Marshal said from the doorway, his eyes narrowed at the still form.

Barney took a moment to adjust, trying to find him. Once he had focused, he took a deep breath.

"You overdosed…on your anti-depressants," Bill said softly, and Barney closed his eyes, letting the breath out.

His mind raced back to the night, and he suddenly felt sick. Why had he done it? He didn't know. It just felt right. He remembered feeling so sick and angry at the gang, he had run straight to the hotel in a fit. He chucked things around the room, cursing silently, until he found the pills. He had almost chucked them before taking the lid off the bottle and downing most of the contents. They had worked rapidly, and he had fallen, throwing up most of them.

"What the hell Barney? You go and pull a stunt like that and we have to tell our children that they've got a crazy, half-sane druggo as a god-father!" Marshal cried, taking a step into the room.

Bill turned to face Marshal, stepping up to him. He was a much smaller man, and Marshal was very large, towering over him, but he looked Marshal in the eye.

"Get out," his voice was low and dangerous, and Marshal glared at the young man before striding out of the room. "How dare he…"

Barney took a haggard breath and moved his arm slowly, wiping his face gently. Robin placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and he managed a smile before trying to sit up.

"I'll get the doctor," Bill said and Robin nodded, helping Barney to get into the sitting position.

Robin sat on the edge of Barney's bed, facing him.

"You want to die…?" it wasn't accusing, but Barney felt his face grow hot.

"I have nothing left…nobody except Bill. Sometimes I just can't do it anymore. I let that happen to Simon; I let him be mauled by that dog. That's not fair,"

Robin put a hand on his leg but he barely felt it through the blanket.

"You can't blame yourself. Dogs are very notorious for changing their minds. You couldn't've stopped a St. Bernard anyway," she said softly, "Marshal and Lily have never done this before. They're just scared. They need time to cool off,"

"I gave them three years…" Barney murmured and Robin nodded.

"I don't know what they're thinking…I don't know if they're really mad at you, or just worried. They seem to have closed up and won't talk to anyone about you."

Bill walked in a few moments later with a doctor, who looked down at Barney skeptically.

"So how are you doing Mr. Stinson?" he asked, surveying his chart quickly.

"I'm…I'm okay…thank you," he said softly, glancing down at his hands.

"You'll be alright now…we're getting some professionals to come and talk to you. You'll also need someone by your side pretty much all the time now. We can't risk this happening again," the doctor reported and Barney nodded, glancing at Bill. "Have you decided who will take care of you? If there is nobody available, we could always send a nurse to you,"

He thought of a funny comment to make, but he held it back and glanced at Bill.

"Do you mind?"

"Never. You're my bro, and I don't want you to end up here again," Bill said and the doctor nodded, taking down his details. "When can he come home?"

"In a few days. We'll make sure he's emotionally stable as well as mentally and physically. Then we'll schedule some appointments with physiatrists to see him and talk to him about what he needs to focus on," the doctor informed Bill and he nodded.

"I'll see you in a few hours bro, I've gotta run an errand and get some food," Bill said softly and Barney nodded.

"I've gotta go too…I'll stop by later," Robin said, leaving as well.

With a final nod, the doctor left and Barney was alone.

**_A/N: So he's not dead. I'm not that mean. So..where the hell is Ted. I've just noticed he's not around. Don't worry my pretties...he'll turn up. _**


	8. Alone

**_A/N: I've been on holidays, so ....don't shoot me for not uploading. It's 11pm and I am tired as hell, so excuse the short chapter. Next one will be beter :D_**

**_Disclaimer: Disclaimed_**

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There was a clock in this room. Barney had always hated wall clocks, the monotonous, constant ticking make him irritated, but that wasn't his problem. The steadiness was giving him a headache, but he already had one from the medication they'd given him. He leaned over to check the time and the bed creaked unusually loudly.

It was midnight. He was going home today.

And it was his birthday.

The hours passed slowly, not providing the comfort that sleep once did. Barney stared at the clock, praying that somehow it would move faster. He didn't cope well in hospitals. When he had been hit by the bus, the same thing had happened, although he had Robin to occupy his mind back then.

He closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to come, but it never did. He counted the ticks of the clock, his eyes wide open. He counted sheep, he sang softly to himself, but even his voice did not bring sleep.

With a grunt he stood up, fighting off dizziness as he stumbled towards the door.

It was locked.

He knew it would've been, but he wanted to know what it was like to wander around the hospital at night.

Dawn finally came and Barney found himself lying in bed, gazing at the roof. He'd had plenty of one-sided conversations, even replying to himself if he was that bored. When the nurse came in to deliver breakfast, he smiled at her gratefully. She gave him a strange look, almost untrusting as she gave him his meal. He noticed she managed to stay as far away as possible, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"You afraid of me?" he asked, but she didn't say a word.

He watched her quickly tidy the room, avoiding making eye contact.

"It's not contagious. You of all people should know that. I won't ram pills down your throat…I'm not dangerous…" he mumbled, and the nurse almost smiled sympathetically as she left.

Barney took a giant sight. He was alone again.

And there were three more hours until Visiting Time.

Three hours passed slowly. He wished he had been put in a room with other people, but he hadn't. When someone knocked, he almost leaped out of his bed with fright.

"Come in," he called, and the door opened.

"Hey buddy," James walked over casually, watching Barney cautiously.

"I'm fine. Really," Barney replied, standing up to hug his brother.

"I brought mom," James muttered, looking towards the door.

When nobody emerged, James walked towards it, looking around outside.

"Come on, he's fine," Barney heard James reassure his mother, and he walked out to greet her.

"Mom…?" Barney asked, walking out and facing her.

She was sitting on the bench, sobbing and gasping for breath. Barney bit his lower lip and crouched down next to her, hugging her tightly.

"I'm okay mom…" he muttered into her shoulder, making her cry harder.

They stayed like that for a while, until his mother's sobs subsided. He held her at arm's length, studying her.

"I just had an accident, okay. Nothing to worry about,"

She nodded and kissed him on the cheek before standing up.

"We had better go," James said, and Barney nodded understandingly. He waved them off before returning to his bed.

He lay back on his pillows with a groan, before drifting into a restless sleep.

* * *

**_A/N: I couldn't for the life of me remember his mother's name. Loretta? Something like that. And James' boyfriend/husband. Tom? I can't remember anything tonight. _**

**_Random Question: What do you think about Cats?_**

**_Okay, so it's Ted's random question, but who gives a crap. I'm the opposite to Victoria. Hate the animal, loved the musical to death. _**


	9. Leave It All Behind

_**A/N: So...I haven't been nice to you guys, and I haven't updated in what seems like forever. So this chapter is a couple of weeks into the future - Barney's been to therapy since then, he's been staying with Bill instead of a dingy hotel room. I needed to get this out, no matter how short it was. So...hopefully this'll tie you over.**_  
_**Also - my keyboard is crappy and it hurts to type. **_

* * *

"So...you're feeling better?"

"I told you - I feel fine," his answer was short, and blunt.

Bill shook his head and Barney shot him a glare.

"Well, that's our session for today. Thank you for coming in..." the psychiatrist noted some final words before herding the two men out the door.

"You are getting better...you wouldn't say two words to him when we first went in," Bill said softly.

"At least I'm managing sentences..."

Bill nodded and patted him on the shoulder, pushing him towards the stairwell. They walked in silence, Bill eyes never moving from Barney.

"I...don't want this anymore. Let's leave. We'll go...around the world. We can leave...the gang behind and start a new gang,"

Bill stopped short in the middle of the pathway. He looked hard at Barney. He'd never heard those words...or any words even remotely related to those words ever come out of his mouth. Barney gave him a pleading look and Bill knew he was at one of his lows.

"You sure?" Bill asked softly and Barney bent slightly at the knees, a telltale sign that he was exasperated.

He paced a little, taking small steps before looking up confidently.

"Yes."

* * *

_**A/N: Uh-Oh...That can't be good...**_


	10. Phone Calls

_**A/N: I was going to give up on this story. I really was. Then I got some more reviews and a few favs, then I had an idea and I got back the enthusiasm I once had!**_

_**

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Barney collapsed on the hotel couch. He and Bill had just returned from a night at a bar. They were in Brisbane, a city in Australia. Bill stumbled in after him, a silly grin plastered on his face. His arm was slung over a woman his age, but she was almost sober.

"Thanks for helping me get him back," Barney said softly and she smiled in response.

"Awesome..." Bill whispered to himself, walking into the kitchen.

Barney shot him an amused look – the poor guy had only had a few drinks, and not even strong ones, at that. Barney hadn't felt this relaxed in a while, not since before his accident with Simon.

"Drink?" Bill asked, holding up a large bottle of Coke.

Barney nodded and turned to the woman.

"You're Kim?" she nodded, flicking a blonde strand of hair behind her ear. "You got any plans tonight?"

"Not really," she answered, standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Just hanging around at home,"

"You wanna stick around? I'm sure Mr. Lightweight here wouldn't mind," Barney said good-naturedly.

Kim smiled and stepped further into the room and Bill successfully caught a glass that was falling.

"You too?" Bill asked, holding up the Coke bottle.

"Please,"

He managed another glass from the cupboard without dropping it, and clumsily poured three glasses.

"Bill...don't worry about bringing them to us," Barney butt in, standing quickly as Bill tried picking the third glass up with two fingers.

Kim laughed and they sat at the kitchen counter.

"So you guys are new to Australia?" Kim asked, relaxing slightly.

"How'd you know?" Barney asked, leaning against the counter.

"Well, you're accents not strong, you haven't said 'mate' yet and you've not ever mentioned a barbeque on 'Satadee' night,"

Barney watched her carefully before she grinned, laughing. Bill started laughing with her, although Barney was sure he didn't know why.

"I'm joking," she laughed. "That was me being stereotypical,"

Barney nodded in understanding.

"You're booked into a hotel, you're passports are sitting on the table and you've got suitcases...I just connected the dots,"

"Well, your dot connecting is excellent," Bill grinned. So he _was _paying attention.

Kim laughed at the doughy expression on his face. Bill was an adorable drunk.

"These aren't very strong," Bill commented, sloshing the Coke around.

Barney raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"It's Coke," he grimaced

This time Bill's eyebrows rose to his hairline. He looked at the drink, even though it was in a glass.

"I swear the label said...something," he whispered and Barney sighed.

"Time for bed Billy-buddy," Kim stood, taking charge of the situation. The nickname was different, but Bill seemed to like it.

"Billy..." he mused and Barney stifled a chuckle. "Why?"

"Why Billy?" she asked, walking around the counter to him.

"Why bed it's so early?" it was only six. Why they had been drinking so early had escaped Barney.

"Because, you're barely forming sentences. That's not a good sign," She hoisted them out of the chair, surprising Bill with her strength.

"Okay..."

Barney watched as she guided his friend into the first bedroom. Bill was such a great friend, dropping everything to help Barney. They'd travelled almost everywhere, getting jobs when they were short of money. It had only been a year, but Barney felt new and sometimes, it was easy to forget what he would eventually have to come back to. So far, they hadn't been picking up chicks, but Australia was different. Neither of them had been there before, and the beaches were amazing. Kim had only offer to help because Bill was causing a scene.

Kim stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door gently.

"That's not going to be comfortable in the morning," she whispered as she approached Barney.

"What, the headache?"

"No, the amount of sand that will have ingrained itself into his skin,"

Barney recalled Bill crash-tackling a Frisbee and face-planting, missing the Frisbee by miles. He chuckled and moved to the couch, patting the adjacent seat for Kim. She sat down with him, obviously uncomfortable.

"So, how drunk are you?"

Kim gave him a mortified look and his eyes widened.

"Oh, not like that. Sorry," God, how he'd changed. "I meant – do you want to continue drinking?"

She relaxed once more and she looked at her watch.

"Yeah, why not," she grinned, and he stood, making his way to the liquor cabinet.

"Hotels here are so nice." He said softly.

"How so?"

"They provide anything!"

In the cabinet was an assortment of Vodka, Gin, Rum, Brandy and Tequila. In the fridge were a six pack of Vodka Cruisers and a six pack of Four X. On top of the fridge were two large bottles of Bundaberg Rum.

"We're pretty proud of our drinks," Kim pointed out

"But where to start..."

Kim chuckled and stalked him into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out the six pack of Four X.

"Best to get the nasties out of the way first,"

Barney laughed and nodded, splitting the plastic that contained the glass bottles.

When they were settled on the couch, Barney flicked the TV on, changing the channel to MTV for background noise.

"So, tell me Kim, who are you?" he swigged the glass of beer and made a face."Ugh, you're right,"

She grinned. "Well, I'm Kim. I have a small one bedroom apartment in the city, and I work for the government."

Barney made another face.

"I take it that wasn't from the beer?"

Barney shook his head.

"I'm looking for my life to take me somewhere,"

Barney nodded.

"What about you?"

"Well, I'm Barney. I used to work for a large corporation called GNB – Goliath National Bank. Then I made a huge mistake that cost me a couple of friends, so I packed it all up and travelled. It's been a year since I left and I love it,"

Even he looked surprised at what he revealed, but he covered it with another swig. Kim simply nodded, growing uncomfortable again. Minutes passed in silence, and Kim eventually relaxed again. Barney was staring at the TV, but not really seeing. His mind flicked back to the event, but he closed his eyes tight.

"Barney, are you okay?"

Kim's concern touched him, and his eyes opened again. He sculled the last quarter of his beer, shuddering from its impact.

"Yep." He answered bluntly, and stood."Those are crap. Let's try something else,"

He opened the fridge and took out a Cruiser, taking off the lid and taking a gulp.

"Much better," he took the six pack to the coffee table in front of the couch.

"You shouldn't mix drinks," Kim stated.

"Yeah, I know," he grinned as she took a Cruiser as well.

They began to talk about everything but nothing. All information shared was irrelevant, but neither cared. Barney reached for another Cruiser but only found empty bottles.

"Uh-oh," he said and Kim looked up from where she had been laughing into the side of the couch.

Her eyes narrowed at the empty bottles and she drank the rest of her Cruiser in a gulp.

"More?" he asked and she nodded.

They weren't drunk, but they weren't tipsy. It was the between that captured both of them – when you weren't quite sure of boundaries, but you couldn't remember why.

He took the Bundaberg Rum from the top of the fridge, and then pulled the Coke out. They mixed the two until they had a satisfactory drink before continuing.

"So tell me Barney, what did you do that was so...bad...that you had to leave?" she asked with a grin.

"I let a dog eat my godson," he had said it so sharply that Kim wasn't sure how to react. Of course, the alcohol may have helped with her unsureness.

"Oh?" she wracked her mind for a way to respond. "Ever heard of the term, 'Dingo Ate My Baby?"

Barney shook his head.

"It's a term used to describe Fraser Island," she said softly and Barney managed a smile.

"So...when you say eat...?" She refilled her glass.

"Eh...it was a...Bernard thing, and it bit my godson when he was a toddler. It's been a few years since then," Barney elaborated, and Kim nodded. "He did survive, but his parents hate me now..."

"What? They hate you?"

Barney nodded, refilling his glass.

"Dude...the kid survived, he's fine, I assume," Barney gave a nod to confirm it. "And they still hate you? What kind of friends are they?"

"Bad ones,"

They were drunk now, they were both sure of it.

Barney gazed at her, his eyes slightly unfocused.

"Have you got their numbers?"

"Yeah..." Barney found his cell and wiggled it from his pocket, flicking it open. The bright light made him blink, wincing from the pain. "They have my number, they'll ignore it,"

"Yeah, but they don't have mine," she grinned cheekily, pulling out her cell.

"Names?"

"Lily and Marshall," he grinned, his heart rate increasing.

"And the son?"

"Simon,"

She typed in Lily's cell phone number and hit call, putting on loudspeaker. The phone rang seven times before the voice mail cut in.

"It's only nine," Barney said softly, trying to do a calculation in his head. It wasn't going very well. He quickly 'googled' it on his phone. "It's six in the morning where they are,"

"Doesn't matter." She redialled, and it rang another seven times before the voicemail sounded.

"Once more,"

On the third ring, a sleepy Lily answered.

* * *

_**A/N: Mmkay, so this chapter is slightly fail, given the fact that I am 15 and I've never been drunk, nor do I hang around drunk people...so I tried :P**_


	11. Stop Pretending

_**A/N: I made a mistake in the chapter before this one - it says that Barney had never been to Australia, but he has. So ignore that line :D I cbf changing it...**_

_**

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**_

"Hello?" Lily croaked into the phone.

Barney froze, staring at Kim with wide eyes.

"Hello, is this the bitch that ran my husband out of the country?" Kim said sharply, and Barney's eyes expanded, about to pop out of his head.

"What? Who is this?"

"Shut up. Answer my question."

"Tell me who you are, or I will call the police," Lily growled over the phone.

Barney stood, his hands clutching his hair in a panic.

"My husband, Barney," she looked at him for a last name.

His panicked eyes blinked, not sure what she meant. She mouthed 'Last Name' to him and he mouthed it back to her, his eyes still wide and frightened. All the alcohol seemed to drain out of him as his face drained of colour.

"Barney Stinson, my husband. He's pissed at you, Lily," with another glance at Barney she obtained her last name. "Aldrin,"

There was silence on the other end. Kim smiled wickedly as Barney paced behind her.

"What do you want?" Lily asked finally.

"I want you to bloody apologise. Barney wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming names like someone's stabbed him with a hot poker. He keeps saying something about a dog, and he won't tell me anything else. So you better apologise, because you've ruined his life." She was yelling now, and she clicked the phone shut on her last words, ending the call.

Barney continued to pace behind Kim.

"Why?"

"Stir it up a bit," she answered.

Seconds later, Barney's cell began to ring. Kim's eyes lit up as Barney pulled it from his pocket. She snickered when he saw who it was.

"No..." he moaned, opening the phone.

"Stinson," Years of faking things and telling stories had enabled him to keep it cool. His hand shook as he held the phone to his ear.

"Barney..."

It was Lily. She sounded sleepy, and a little pissed.

"Um...yes?"

There was a pause.

"Look, I've...gotta get back to..." he glanced around the hotel room, until Kim mouthed 'cooking' to him. "Cooking,"

"Cooking?" The surprise in Lily's voice was unmistakeable.

"Yeah...I'm not the same person you first met Lily. I've changed. And so have you." He clicked the phone on loudspeaker and placed it on the table.

"Me...changed?" Lily's feeble attempt at sarcasm gave Barney new hope. Maybe they had forgiven him.

"Honey...who you talking to?" Marshall's voice was barely audible.

"Nothing baby, go back to sleep,"

There was rustling as Lily got out of bed and entered her living room.

"So...you got married," she was being cautious around the subject.

"Uhm..." Kim nodded, but Barney shook his head. "Not yet. Engaged, actually,"

Kim nodded in understanding.

"Urm...how'd you know?"

"Guessed!" Lily's voice was high and squeaky, and Barney stifled a laugh. He missed her terribly. "So where are you now?"

"Brisbane, Australia." He replied.

"Wow,"

There was silence from both ends. Barney didn't know how to respond, and Lily didn't seem to either. Kim motioned for him to continue.

"So...um..." Barney wondered if he was going to regret this next sentence. "How's Simon...and the other kid,"

"Simon's great...and I had a little girl,"

"Oh, congratulations," Barney's face broke out into a grin. God, he missed them.

"Thanks...her name is Jess."

"Jess..."

"Ted's got another girlfriend," she commented.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She's been around ever since you, well, ever since you left,"

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"Barney. Please come back,"

Barney's heart stopped. He stared at the phone in silence, his face contorting into a confused frown.

"Say what?" he was able to answer when his saliva started working again.

"Ted, Robin and I all miss you."

"I can't help but notice that you didn't mention Marshall's name," Barney said quietly, staring at the ground.

"Marshall's got it into his head that you're a horrible person..." Lily defended him. "I'm sure that if you came back, he'd see who you are now and forgive you,"

"And what made you and the others forgive me?"

"We're family. We'll love you no matter what you do..."

"That wasn't how it was the last time I saw you,"

"It's taken me this year to learn that. Marshall had told me to hate you, when we sat in the hospital waiting room, anxious to know if Simon was okay. I had made up a fake story in my mind that told me that you let Simon get hurt. Over the past year, I've really missed you...and if I miss you that much, then I know that I'm not really mad at you."

"And Marshall?" Barney muttered after a moment. "You're sure he'll come around?"

"Once he sees who you are…"

"And who am I, Lily?" Barney shouted into the receiver, picking it up and holding it closer. "Who am I? A sad pathetic twit that reminds you of Ted? I said I'm not who I used to be, hell, I'm the opposite. I've been travelling to escape your untrusting eyes. Bill and I have been working week to week just to afford hotels and food for the next couple of days. I have dreams that have me screaming and shaking. You all turned me into this person, and now you want me back?"

He paused to take a breath, but Lily remained silent.

"And what do you think will happen when I return? It'll be six of us, because I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't best friends with Bill for life. I wouldn't leave Kim behind – how would that hinder us? You've got Simon and Jess now, Ted's got a wife. Robin will probably find a man sooner or later. It'll never be the same again. Hell, Marshall might not even forgive me – did you think of that? Stop trying to pretend that everything will be okay, because it won't."

He hung up.

* * *

**_A/N: Paranoid Barney is Paranoid. :D_**


	12. Feelings

_**A/N: I'm baaaaacccckkkk! Hahaha...I are excited for some reason.**_

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"What's going on?" mumbled a voice from the doorway.

Bill stood in the hall, looking as lost and confused as a child after hearing his parents fighting. Bed hair, bleary eyes and a blanket, twined around his legs added to the image. Barney frowned, feeling as lost and confused as Bill.

"Nothing Bill…go back to bed…" he said softly and Bill blinked a couple of times.

"Sure?" It was a question, the beginning lost by the hangover that loomed over him.

Barney nodded and he turned. Kim's eyes were no longer alight with excitement. She almost looked scared, gently chewing on her lower lip.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, staring at the floor.

Barney shook his head.

"Don't be. I needed that."

Kim nodded and picked up her coat from the couch.

"I'd better take off. My number is in your phone if you want to hang out again…"

Barney nodded.

"I don't know how you're going to get out of this 'engagement' thing…will you be alright?"

Barney nodded again.

She left the room silently and Barney sunk into the couch, both hands pressed into his temples. He leaned back, letting his head fall over the top. A loud woosh of air escaping from the cheap couch and a bit of a thud let Barney know that Bill had sat next to him.

"Hey buddy…" Barney said softly and Bill almost giggled. Obviously the hangover hadn't found Bill yet.

Barney felt a hand on his knee and his eyes sprung open. He lifted his head, and Bill was gazing at him intently.

"You okay?" Bill whispered,

"Are you?" Barney looked pointedly at the hand that was creeping its way up his leg.

Bill moved his hand to Barney's shoulder, rubbing his arm gently.

"Dude." Barney shifted uncomfortably. "Time for bed,"

Bill shook his head, his hand resting on Barney's chest.

"We should do this…" He wasn't advancing any further, waiting for confirmation.

"Bill…" Barney breathed, his voice hitched in his throat. This was awkward, and he was nervous. He'd never done anything with a guy before.

Was this something? Could it be something? Bill was always there, more than a woman ever was. He made Barney laugh, he made him feel better…could they have something?

Bill watched Barney, searching his face. Barney couldn't help but wonder if he was being serious.

"This could happen…" Bill whispered, but was cut off by the phone, making both men jump.

Barney grabbed the phone, secretly grateful that he could deal with this situation later.

"Stintson," he answered, glancing at Bill, who had amused himself by picking lint from the couch.

"Barney, its Ted,"

He didn't have to introduce himself; Barney kept all their numbers on speed dial – just in case.

"Yeah?"

"Lily called me. She said you sounded pretty upset. You okay?"

"Why do you care? It's not like you've cared for the past couple of years."

There was silence from the other end.

"I know we put you in a bad place, but you've gotta bounce back!"

"Bounce Back…" Barney rubbed his eyes, "I did bounce back. I got the problem out of my life and so far, I haven't had to deal with it,"

"I don't believe you,"

"What?"

"You're so full of shit – you're trying to be strong, trying to put up a hard exterior, but it's not you. You're dying inside, and you're probably so upset that you miss us all terribly,"

It was Barney's turn to be silent.

"You probably miss us so much that you can't sleep at night,"

"If I miss you so much, then why are you the one calling me?"

For the second time that night, Barney hung up the phone angrily. He stuffed it into his pocket and sat with his arms folded, resembling a sulking toddler.

"That's not the way to do it," Bill said quietly.

Barney glanced over at him, and the handsy drunk was gone, replaced by the sweet, considerate Bill.

"If you want them back in your life, you need to accept that they're helping you,"

"Do I want them back in my life?"

"Yes."

Barney looked at Bill, a surprised expression plastered on his face. Usually they would 'um' and 'ah' over that question – there was never a direct answer.

"Obviously you do, there's no denying it," he continued,

Barney closed his eyes. All this logical thinking was making him confused.

"I think it's time for bed…"

Bill smiled and patted Barney's leg, making all those uncomfortable feelings return.

"I'll see you in the morning,"

**_A/N: Oh, I felt mean...after Bill and Barney... :D_**


	13. Hangovers and Revelations

**_A/N: As well as being a filler chapter, this is also just to tie you over. I've been getting some awesome reviews for this story so I felt that I owed it to you :) Right now, I'm concentrating on my Sweeney Todd fic, Escape, so these chapters will be coming out VERY slowly, until I finish Escape. I shall try though... By the way...this story won't be going on for much longer. A couple more chapters at the most, if I run out of oomph - I never really had a big arc for this story in the first place, but if I can think of one, I'll make it longer...  
If you guys have anything you wanna see, or any suggestions, PLEASE forward them to me - if you wanna see this story continue!_**

**_Literately, the fate of this story is in your hands :P No pressure. _**

* * *

Barney spent that night tossing and turning, unsure of what to do. It was winter in New York at the moment – almost Christmas. Maybe he could break in, wrapped as a present and hide under the tree.

No.  
He had to stop being ridiculous. Thoughts like these were speeding through his mind, they didn't seem to want to stop.

He wondered where the gang would be spending Christmas this year. Probably Lily and Marshal's – they had kids now and would probably want to stay close to home.

Sick of his constant debate with himself, Barney got out his phone and quickly made a few phone calls, knowing he would regret everything he just did.

* * *

The next morning, Barney stumbled out of his room to make coffee from the complimentary. He heard a low moan from the other room and started to boil enough water for about five hundred cups. He also started toasting the complimentary bread.

When they were both ready, he carefully took them to Bill's room. He had his eyes closed, one arm flung over his face.

"Uhhhh!" Bill groaned and removed his arm, glaring at Barney. "Why'd you let me drink?"

He gratefully accepted the coffee and gulped it down, scalding his tongue and esophagus in the process. He hissed in appreciation and in pain.

"Thanks…" he mumbled.

"I bought us plane tickets. To New York. Tomorrow."

Bill stared at Barney for a long moment, then groaned and let himself fall back onto the pillows.

"What are you going to do, just rock up and say 'I'm Home!'"

"That was the idea…"

Bill closed his eyes. "Well, I'm in,"

Barney grinned and patted him on the back, and all the awkward feelings came back. He wondered if Bill remembered.

"Well…what do you want to do today then…?" Bill asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm gonna let you sleep a bit longer, then we can do some wacky Australian things," Barney grinned, staring at his watch.

It was six-thirty. Better not let Bill see.

Bill nodded and finished his coffee and toast, before lying back on the pillows. Barney left him to sleep and sat at the table in the kitchen area. He drank his coffee slowly, mulling over his thoughts.

Returning to the gang tomorrow was not going to be easy.

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**_A/N: yeah, so it's UBER short, but I'll get there..._**


	14. Texting

**_A/N: Short and sweet, but honestly, I'm trying SO hard! I just got some amazing reviews that made me finish this chapter...but at the moment, I'm juggling four stories, all for different topics, a game that I've been dying to re-play (FFX) and I'm starting grade 11 in seven days. Plus, I've got a life :) I know I know - I've bitten off more than I can chew, maybe I should stop some...but I can't. I love doing all of them, but unfortunately this fic is kinda at the bottom of the heap...  
I'll stop making excuses :) _**

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Stinson (10:00) Congratulations, you've won an all expenses paid trip to New York! Do you accept?

Kim stared down at her phone in wonder.

_You drunk? _She texted back

_Stinson (10:03) I swear I spelt 'congratulations' correctly? Why would I be drunk at ten?_

Kim laughed, receiving strange looks from her workmates.

"I'm on lunch, sue me," she grinned at her friends.

_What are you talking about then?_

_Stinson (10:10) Exactly what I mean. Come to New York with me and Bill – play my fiancé._

_Oh. You want me as bait._

_Stinson (10:13) I'm sorry. But I was going to pay for all your expenses _

Kim rubbed her face. She hadn't had a holiday in a while...and she could probably milk it for all it's worth...

_When you say...all my expenses paid...?_

_Stinson (10:21) Everything. Whatever you want. I'm getting my old job back. Go to a spa, eat until you feel guilty. _

Kim smiled.

_I'm going to have to think about it._

_Stinson (10:43) Well...we're leaving in about 20 minutes. When you make up your mind, tell me and I'll buy you a plane ticket + meet you at the airport when your plane arrives!_

Kim closed her phone. Her lunch break was over.

* * *

Barney lay back against the seats in First Class. Both Bill and him had been saving ever since they left New York in the first place, then pooled their money.

With over $10,000 at their disposal, they figured they'd be okay until they could get their jobs back.

"You okay?" Bill asked, glancing at his best friend as the plane took off.

Barney nodded. "This is what I want to do. Whether I step back into their lives or not, I don't want to run anymore,"

Bill was amazed at the strength of his friend. He wouldn't have been able to do it himself.

* * *

After snoozing for what felt like forever, the plane landed. As soon as they were in the airport and had collected their gear, Barney turned on his phone, finding he had received a message.

_Kim(Yesterday) I'm in. Set me up._

Barney looked over at Bill with a grin.

"She's in."

* * *

_**A/N: I'm in the process of hating this chapter, and hating it's length, but hopefully this'll keep you going for now. I shall try to write more! kthxbai **_


	15. New York, New York

_**A/N: Juggling, Juggling :P Thankies my reviewers, I love you all !**

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_

Kim (12:32) I'm at the baggage collection. Where are you?

_Staring at you_

Barney grinned, locking his phone as he watched Kim read the message, missing her bag again. Bill was already standing at the end of the carousel, waiting to pick up her bag. Kim looked up and glanced around briefly, spotting Barney.

He grinned and walked over to her as Bill approached, hauling Kim's bag.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, taking it from him. "Thanks,"

Barney pulled a small box out of his pocket.

"We have to make it official," he passed it to her.

Opening it slowly, she smiled at the diamond ring.

She had been engaged once before, but it had ended badly.

"It looks great," she slipped it onto her finger, admiring its sparkles.

"Well, you're my fiancé now," he snaked a tentative hand around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

She went rigid and he loosened his grip.

"I'm sorry,"

"No...it's been a long time since I've had someone...I'll get used to it,"

He replaced his hand and took her bags, grinning over at Bill.

"Let's go to MacLarens,"

* * *

The gang sat in the booth, silent. Lately there'd been nothing to talk about – apart from the occasional anecdote about something that had happened at work.

Simon and Jess were with a baby-sitter, Ted's new girlfriend, Kelly, was out with the flu. The silence was killing them.

A familiar laugh snapped them out of their thoughts and they looked to the doorway.

Barney, Bill and a woman they didn't recognise had entered the bar, laughing and talking.

Lily's eyes widened and she stood, but didn't say anything.

Marshall's frowned, his eyes darkening as he glared. The truth was, he wasn't really angry anymore. But he couldn't just forgive Barney either.

Ted and Robin both glanced at each other, before looking back at the small group.

Barney, his fiancé and Bill seemed oblivious to the fact that the gang was sitting at the table.

Eventually, Barney got up from the table and went to the bar.

"Hey Wendy," he grinned and Wendy's eyes lit up when she recognised him.

"Barney! Wow, long time no see buddy...where you been?"

"Australia actually," he moved so Kim was visible. "I changed, got a fiancé,"

"Wow," Wendy marvelled, "Congratulations. So what can I get for you?"

"A scotch, a beer and a bourbon," he said and Wendy nodded, quickly sorting the drinks. "How have you been?"

"Just working...nothing much has happened," she answered, glancing over at the gang. "I think they missed you,"

Barney waved off the comment, thanking her and paying for the drinks before heading back to his table.

Lily practically fell over Marshall, stopping Barney before he could reach his table.

"You came back," she said softly, looking up at him.

"I did."

It was awkward.

"I gotta get back to Kim..." he said softly when she didn't say anything else.

She nodded, watching as he returned to the woman with the blonde hair, who's eyes lit up when she saw Barney. Their faces were alight as they conversed, but all Lily could do was watch.

Barney had grown up without the group – and had probably grown up more than any of them ever could. He'd moved on and left them behind.

But they needed him.

And he knew it.

* * *

_**A/N: Aww...I think I stuffed up the ending of this chapter. Oh well, I'll fix it by the next chapter. **_


	16. Agressive Approach

**_A/N: School starts tomorrow. I'm really dreading it. I've spent the last 4 days getting ready, so sorry for the chapter delay. Expect them more...  
BTW, thanks for the EPIC response to the last chapter. I logged on and found those fantastic reviews and was like OMG...because I thought that chapter didn't make sense :P Thanks, I love you all _**

* * *

Barney lay back against his couches. In his living room. In his apartment.

It felt amazing.

The owner had gladly sold it back to him, after Barney paid almost a third more than he should have. But it was familiar and it was right.

His old position at work had been given back to him, after lots of interviews and talks. Everything was settled, and everything was almost back to normal.

Almost.

Every night, Barney and his duo would go to MacLarens, intentionally speaking loudly and having an awesome time – mostly to annoy Marshall.

Barney was happy now. He had the upper hand.

He didn't care what his old gang did now. If they wanted him back, they had to apologise to him. He had done his apologising – he was sick of it. They had neglected him too much to get him back without a fight.

"We'll keep up this for another week," Barney said softly, nodding to Bill and Kim, who were sitting with him. "Then, I guess we can return to everyday life."

He turned to Kim.

"If nothing happens, I guess you can return to Australia. Thanks so much for all you've done, it's really been helpful. I...I guess I know who I am now,"

There was a silence, and Kim stood up.

"I have two weeks off...so if something happens, it better happen soon," she grinned. "I'm gonna head to bed."

"I agree, it's getting pretty late," Bill said softly, giving Barney an affectionate smack on the head as he headed towards the bedroom.

"Don't get up to anything," Barney teased.

There were two bedrooms in his old suit room that Kim and Bill were sharing. Barney started turning off lights and appliances, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. He headed over to it, opening it and wondering why he felt so tired.

Standing there was Robin.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, a small frown etched on his face.

She closed her eyes, taking a breath.

"I just...wanted to see you," she whispered and his frown deepened.

"I'm getting married," he said, moving to close the door.

"I know," she almost looked hurt. "That's not why I wanted to see you,"

"Of course," he hissed. "Would you like to come in?"

"No...I should really get home, I just wanted to see how you were doing on my way home," she said softly.

"Well, I'm doing fine on my own." His sentence made her face drop in shock_. _

"Right," she muttered as he closed the door.

Bill and Kim stood at the entrance to their shared bedroom, their arms folded as they glared at him.

"What?" he cried.

"There could've been an apology there, if you had just talked to her like a human being!"

"I was being a human!"

"Part Cylon," Bill muttered, just loud enough for Barney to hear.

"Nobody watches Battlestar Galactia but you," he growled back, and turned to Kim.

"What am I supposed to do? Lie down and let them walk all over me?"

"I don't know," she said, "Next time, you go to the bar alone and sit with them for a little while...pretend you're waiting for us. When it gets awkward, text me,"

"Brilliant."

* * *

**_A/N: Eh..._**


	17. Passive Approach

**_A/N: SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I started Year 11, and got homework the first day...and then on the weekend I was busy. And now it's Monday arvo and I realised I STILL hadn't finished this chapter. So here you are :D Sorry it's so bloody short - I have to go to bed and I didn't want to leave you hanging for another day :) Hopefully this'll satisfy you - I'll try to get the next one finished earlier :D_**

* * *

They were there. All of his original gang sat at the familiar booth, waiting for their drinks.

Barney's heart raced. He wondered if he could pull this off.

The text was already written – Barney had to only push one button and Kim and Bill would rescue him.

Psyching himself up, he took a few deep breaths before strolling into the bar. He first went to the bar, ordering a scotch loudly – trying to attract their attention. Just like the practise script said, when he turned around, all four pairs of eyes were glued on him.

Marshall and Robin averted their eyes when he spotted them, but the others continued to watch him with...longing?

He caught Ted's eye and made his face light up, with what he hoped looked like recognition. He strolled over to them confidently, a _**façade**_ he had been wearing since he met them.

"Hey guys," he said, giving them a toothy grin.

Maybe he was playing the 'happy' card a little too much.

"Barney, what a surprise," Lily immediately shifted and patted the seat next to her, shifting down to make room. "Care to join us?"

Her forwardness made Barney smile.

"Sure...I got a couple of minutes," he said, taking a peak at his fake watch that didn't sit on his wrist.

He sat, directly opposite to Marshall.

"How have you guys all been?" he asked, glancing around at all of them.

"Good,"

It was awkward.

"Marshall, how's the new job going? I heard you quit GNB," Barney tried to strike up the practised conversations.

"Fine," Marshall responded bluntly. He wasn't following the script.

"So...what's it like?" Barney improvised.

"Good,"

Barney frowned, turning towards Ted.

"How's the girlfriend?"

"She's awesome," Finally, a response that he could work with.

"Congratulations mate," Barney grinned. "I guess now it's a race to see who gets married first,"

"Mm,"

Barney sighed, subtly hitting the 'Send' button on his phone.

"What about you, Robin. I heard you got a new job too?"

"Yeah," she muttered.

"What is that like? Aren't you anchor or something?"

"Yep,"

Barney glanced at the door, praying his 'fiancé' would walk in.

"Um..." he said, then shot a surprised look at his lap. "Hold on, I got a text,"

"I didn't hear it," Ted said softly.

"Vibrated,"

Barney pretended to read the text that didn't exist.

"Oh. I'm at the wrong bar," he smiled good-naturedly. "I'll see you guys around, okay? Don't be strangers,"

He stood and made for the door, just as Bill stepped in. Barney dragged him behind the yellow panels of the entrance.

"Smooth," Barney hissed, and Bill frowned. "Go in there and spy on them,"

Bill nodded and slipped in with a bunch of people.

Kim was outside, grinning at him.

"Thanks for, ya know, sticking to the plan," Barney said grumpily.

"Relax," she laughed. "We figured you'd be better off dealing with it your own way,"

Barney's phone beeped and he took it from his pocket, glancing at the message.

_Scooter (20:14) Lily just yelled at them for being so unfriendly. She's quite intimidating when she's mad._

Barney laughed, and Kim read the text over his shoulder.

"It's nice to know someone is looking after you," Kim grinned and Barney nodded.

_Scooter (20:20) They've moved onto a different topic. Mind if I come out now?_

_Sure._

Minutes later, Bill emerged.

"What else can we do?" Barney asked, starting down the street.

"Lily's gonna come over tonight...probably to apologise. I heard her talking about it, but I couldn't hear it all – she'd stopped yelling,"

"Make sure you're not gonna be a bastard," Kim poked Barney in the shoulder and he grinned.

"Will do,"

"Maybe we could push you in front of a car or something," Bill mused as they neared Barney's apartment, "Then you'd get the sympathy vote,"

"Eh, it's already happened," Barney grinned. "I got hit by a bus,"

"Owch," Kim hissed.

"Mmhm. Ted and I were unfriendly at the time – but he came to see me when I was in hospital and all was well,"

"Can we push Ted in front of a car?"

"Nah, he was in that situation already too. I got hit by the bus while I was getting to the hospital to see Ted, who had been in a car crash,"

"That's...normal," Bill laughed as they climbed the stairs to the apartment.

"We're a normal group," Barney grinned. "Just a bit broken..."

* * *

_**A/N: Last line was inspired by Lilo and Stitch :P 'Little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah...still good' :) I was watching it the other day. I've been rewatching all these old Disney Movies :P :P**_


	18. Apologies

**_A/N: This is kind of a horrible chapter. I really don't like it, but I cbf rewriting it again. Besides, it would just take longer. _**

**_EDIT: Guess who's a giant fail? MEEE. Posted the wrong chapter for the wrong story. Here is the right one :)_**

* * *

Barney expected a knock on the door at nine that night.

What he didn't expect, was Marshall.

"Hey," Barney said, his eyes widening.

Kim stepped up beside Barney, wrapping her arm around his waist. Bill peeked curiously over the couches.

"Hey," Marshall said softly, his eyes travelling to where Barney's arm appeared on Kim's side.

There was a pause, just long enough to make everyone uncomfortable.

"Can I do anything for you?" Barney asked, as politely as he could. Even so, Kim nudged him in the ribs.

"Aw, be nice. Do you want a cup of coffee? Come in!" she stuck out her hand. "I'm Kim,"

Marshall shook it and accepted the invitation, uncomfortably stepping inside.

"Hey Bill," he gave a small wave and Bill returned it.

Kim moved behind the counter and filled the kettle, placing it on the holder and switching it on. Barney stood near the door, glancing around the room. Bill remained hung over the couch, switching his gaze between Marshall and Barney. Marshall's arms were folded, glaring at the floor.

"Look…" Marshall started, but retracted his statement with a shake of his head.

Barney's phone buzzed and he pulled it out, glaring at the text.

_Kim (21:14) Apologize first! It's obvious he's unsure of what he's doing._

He glanced up, watching her put her phone away.

Marshall opened his mouth to talk again, but Barney cut him off.

"Look, I'm sorry,"

Marshall's eyes looked like they were about to pop out as his jaw hit the floor.

"I'm sorry for what happened to Simon. I'm sorry – but I still don't believe it was my fault," there was a dull thud as Kim's head hit the counter. "Anything could've happened that day…and obviously I think it could've gone better. But…it could've been worse. I've learned from this experience, even though I had to go through hell and back to do it,"

Barney was proud of his accomplishment. He glanced at Marshall who was smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry too…" he started. "I'm sorry what we…what I put you through,"

Barney waited for him to continue – his mind was visibly ticking, deciding what to say next.

"I guess…I guess…oh, I don't know. I had a speech prepared as I came up the elevator but I can't even remember it," he laughed and Barney grinned. "So are we bros again?"

"I never stopped being your bro…you just didn't realize it," Barney said softly and Marshall nodded seriously.

"Thanks."

"Here's your coffee," Kim grinned, passing him the steaming mug.

"Are the three of you going to join us at the bar?"

"We're going to have to find a bigger booth," Barney joked. It was still a little bit weird.

Marshall laughed and nodded, sipping the coffee.

"The others don't hate you…I'm kinda here on their behalf," Marshall added, and Barney nodded.

"Well, I better go…thanks for the coffee," Marshall placed the half empty cup on the sink. "Seeya,"

He left without another word, and Barney planted himself on the couches, next to Bill.

_Shit._

_It was still awkard._

_

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_

**_A/N: There are two ways this story could go from here. Either finish in about 2-3 chapters, or go on for a little while. I'mma let you guys vote. If you vote 'Finish soon', I have plenty of other storylines that I will end up doing as probably oneshots later, so if you like my version of HIMYM, you can go read them when they're up. And as a sidenote, to someone who asked me a little while ago if I had changed my mind about Bill and Barney getting together - I have not. They will NOT end up together in THIS fic. But...I have written a oneshot where they are together :P_**


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